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PART 4

December of 2006 was a very memorable week for my spiritual walk with God. Within six weeks of working as an RN, my mentor asked me whether my fiancée and I were engaging in sexual activities. I answered yes and She proceeded to boldly tell me that “God will not bless no mess. “That was the first time that someone took the initiative to direct me in putting the will of God ahead of my own. I don’t blame anyone for my poor choices and mistakes however, we should not be afraid to speak God’s truth to those who are on the wrong path. I kept wondering what motivated that statement. I immediately began to rationalize how I was not as bad as the women’s fornicating with a different guy every night and how I do not party and drink like other lost souls. Even to me, those rationalizations sounded weak but they made me feel good about my choices and kept me comfortable in sin. Isn’t that what Disney and the rest of the world teach us to follow our hearts and do what feels good? Jeremiah 17:9 tells that”the heart is deceitful above all things,

And desperately sick; who can understand it?“I also rationalized that God would bless my relationship forgetting that God cannot bless what He already cursed. Once God calls something sinful, He cannot change His mind no matter how good the sin feel. God is the same today, yesterday and forever (Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever). I was wrong as I was putting the god of this world (Satan) above my Father in heaven who I claimed to worship. I could not forget about the conversation my mentor and I had that day. That statement would haunt me and seared my conscious to its core.

 I finally got the courage to ask my fiancéhow would he feel about waiting until after marriage to have sex. His answer was a firm no yet; I was convicted that we should stop living in sin. I felt my self-removing myself from the situation that would initiate sex as I would have done in the past. I even went to the Christian bookstore and bought books about God centered relationships prior to marriage hoping that my fiancéwould change his mind and God would notice the change and bless our relationship. My plan was to read the books everyday together as a couple to learn how to live a God led relationship. Honestly I was able to get my fiancéto participate maybe 2-3 times a week. One day he made the statement “if I wanted you to do that (referring to studying how to live a God lead relationship) with me you would not do it. So, I no longer asked him to read with me anymore it became a solo assignment from then on out, then I drifted away as well.

 

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  • Kendra Harris
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